Friday, November 19, 2010

On Waiting

There's a whole lot of "hurry up and wait" going on in my house right now.

{Back story:  my grandmother was given 48 hours to live.  9 days ago.  There is no medical reason she should be with us, but apparently God has decided He'd like us all to know who exactly is in charge.}

Our suitcases are packed.  Each day, we've been wearing our "traveling clothes" in case we have to hop in the car.  My fridge is stuffed with food that no one is allowed to eat, since we might need it for the car trip.  The activities we canceled this week in anticipation of traveling Monday are remaining canceled. . . .which leads to an odd, a very odd calmness.

This morning, as I awoke to yet another morning of not getting "the call" in the middle of the night, I got to thinking.  (Dangerous habit, I know. . . )

I'm waiting and watching for my grandmother to pass away.

But. . . 

Am I waiting and watching for Jesus with the same anticipation, the same readiness?

I think not.  Even though Scripture is replete with admonitions to wait and watch for the return of Christ, I find myself tied too closely to this world.

The hard thing is the balancing act.  As I find myself waiting for "the call" about Grandma, I'm often in a wash of indecision and exhaustion, as if the act of waiting has sapped all of my energy for accomplishing even the most basic of tasks.  (Case in point - I've actually started and stopped this blog post about 3 times.)

So this is what I'm wondering.  If I'm to wait for Jesus' return - and indeed, the possibility of my own death before He comes - then how do I do that, and do that well?  How do I love my husband and my children, and yet keep God's kingdom first?  How do I enjoy the blessings of the day, and yet long for the greater blessings of heaven?

It's an interesting tightrope, this walk of waiting.  I'm not doing so well with this immediate waiting.  Hopefully the Lord will use this as training in my life, to help me learn to wait and watch for Him more fully.

Until next time. . . .  

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